a distant girl from a distant past.and the world is much more tolerable now.


watched the weakest link today for the first time today.never really got the concept of the game.think its a who wants to be a millionaire meets survivor kinda show.asha gill looks really good in the suit.but i really think she wud hav looked better in a black dominatrix gear with a cat-o-nine-tail in one hand.one can fantasise can they???the only downside to her is the cheesy lines she comes up with."who is the sate with all stick and no meat"sheesh,who writes this stuff anyway.like the sexual innuendo innit though.



the day my mind left me i had one of them attack again.this one was a little bit longer.lasted ard 20 minutes.20 farkin minutes.started innocently enuff.was sittin ard at werk doing nuthin when it suddenly hit me.this feeling of self-loathing.feeling that im never gonna amount to anymore than this.feelin so unappreciated.and this really totally freaked me out.went to the toilet to wash my face,to cleanse my thoughts.didnt really help much.still felt miserable.started to walk.not really sure where to.just knew had to get away from everything.went into every shop in jp.not browsing not buying.just walkin in and out.pace quickened(not sure for what)and then the peak of my manic depression.my eyes started to well up.wiped it off quickly to maintain sum dignity.or watevers left of it.then the odd sniffs.faked a cough to make it look normal.went back to the projectionist room becos i didnt want anybody to see my red eyes.tried to put on watever cd i cud find to ease my mind.black sabbath was the only one i cud find.hmmm...good old ozzy...."people think i'm insane because i am frowning all the time"........."tell a joke and i will sigh and u will laugh and i will cry"........and as soon as it came,it was suddenly over.at peace with myself again.felt longer than 20 minutes.felt emotionally drained.hoping it doesnt come again soon.*crosses finger*



this world is shitty place to live in.and u can quote me on that.


and the world crumbles beneath me congratulations!u just detroyed any notions i had of relationships rite now.i know its none of my farkin business but u made love sound like a four letter word.even the word Fuck would be soitently welcome rather than love rite now.and to think that i've been cravin it for all these times.typing all these out isnt gonna make me win the popularity contest rite now but wat the fuck,not as if people find me endearing all this while.i've been a pain in everyone's arse as long as i can remember.where once i perceive u as being very clever,u turned out to be manipulative.where once u smell of sweet innocence,u reek of manipulation now.where once i perceive u as being sweet,u turned out to be just a wolf in sheep's clothing.but hey,maybe its just me.i shudnt hav overcomed my welcome there.so foolish of me to think that i could breath in the air that u breath in.i was just fooling myself when i thought that i cud be part of ur circle of friends.i shud hav just stayed in my shanty old house and just mind my own fucking business.and forgive me for staining ur polished hoity-toity pretty little world.no matter though,for i shall bother you no more.shame on you if u fooled me once,shame on me if you fooled me twice.not a peep from me again i assure u.for i am dead to u.



its 4 a.m christmas morning.just heard sum schhhtupid fool shout merry christmas everyone.and the schhtupid thing is i actually shouted back through the window merry christmas to u too *laffs* my last ditch attempt to be nice i guess.santa better notice this. *hint hint wink wink* i hope there is still time for hime to send me an xbox.....oh yeah a blowup doll wud be nice too *laffs*



met up with asid and azrul today to pass them sum things.then had to leave my post for abt almost an hour just to accompany them for dinner.we then walked past 77th street where asid said that he was gonna hook up with the cute malay salesgirl there.cant believe that mr i-hav-taken-a-vow-of-celibacy is turning into a pure playa.he's adopting an a.p.d (ada pakai dulu) approach to women nowadays. wonder where i brought him up wrong.*tsk tsk* cant believe that the lady at the bookstore actually knows my name,she surprised me from behind saying "hello saiful".she said that it was only natural that as her customer she shud know my name.*beams* someone actually knows me.held small talks with her.asked me how good the two towers was.she said that the movie pales in comparison with the book.some of the more important details were left out while the minute things were made to look big.anyhoo i talked to her without stuttering or mumbling like i always do.*beams again* overall a good day i shud say.....



Hmmm sumthing abt these festive seasons that makes u think about all your loved ones...(am i actually turning mushy???)*slaps own face* anyway this is for all my frens out there.a beautiful song to commemorate this lurvely festive days.(U might want to lower the volume for this one) enjoy!!!!


conversation of the day: ah-jeff:eh,how to pronounce this name arh?(points to che guevara poster in music shop) ah-fool:ermm not sure leh,i think ch-ay gayvara(scratches head) ah-jeff:orh chay gayvala!! i like this singer u know ah-fool:ermm ok???(nods head approvingly)



the sniffle-lis that wont go away still feeling the effects of the cold.my tongue has lost all sense of taste.everything i ate tasted all the same.the apple strudel i had was wasted on me.shud hav given it to sum poor starving third world country child.went to guardian's to buy sumthin for the cold and i bought Robitussin Cold.was reading the back of the box and came across this "to make coughs more productive".arkk!! hows that possible??*newscaster voice:Cough productivity for today is up by 0.00009%*-laffs- .im puttin my life in the hands of quacks!!!help me!!! Santa came early today to send me my tv today.yayy...not sure if ive been a good boy but a few dollars down santa's pocket made sure of that.-laffs- i must have corrupted every innocent's child image of santy clause wif that last sentence.well time to wake up child becos santa doesnt really work for free u know.milk and cookies arnt enuff.santa's got a family too -evil laff- im rambling rite now so i think ill stop rite here...... errmm better make it here..wakakaka



one of the highlights of the season didnt go as well as planned.first of all,the sniffy-lis still wudnt go away.even after the excessive amount of panadol cold.nearly o-ded on it i tell ya.drank too much soft drinks and now my voice sounds like ramli sarip on helium.come to think of it,i kinda like it.-laffs-the transportation bit wasnt well planned either becos sum people cudnt really commit themselves until the last moment.fee was much much higher becos of that.everything else was abt the same as last year.the rain still apparent,couples still coupling,me still ermmm single-ing.-laffs-.we went to less houses this year.partly due to transportation since the bus was only booked until 8 pm.i got back earlier than sum becos didnt really feel like going out summore without the bus.yes yes i know im a lazy muthafarker.but my stomach is filled with food and the thought of walkin doesnt really turns me on. took lots and lotsa pictures today.this little girl came with her sister(mother???).didnt really know them but she looks so fookin cute.checkout the deer caught in headlight pose.

certified 1:58 AM

Sunday, December 15, 2002

he picks up a blank piece of paper.stares at it for a few minutes.pondering over his next move.reaches for a black pen.doodling nothing in particular.his stray meaningless lines soon turns to words.he wrote down nobody over and over again.pauses.stopped.composed himself and added 'to no one'.nobody to no one,nobody to no one,nobody to no one.like a mantra,he repeats it over and over again.soon the paper was filled with his mantra.he proceeds on writing,overlapping his own writings when there was nowhere else to write.he reaches for the red pen.same words used again.in blue ink next.his pen picks up pace.after a while his words turns to lines that were only eligible to him.drops his pen.breathes in deply.picks up the paper to admire his own handiwork.smile to himself.feeling at peace with himself.looks at the paper again and then rizz-razzed it to a thousand pieces....(cue music,exit stage right)

certified 6:48 AM

Sunday, December 01, 2002

my blog for sale.any buyers??ill even take off the © symbol.

certified 2:49 AM

©

certified 2:21 AM

Me

I like cartoons and comics and I dream of Batman and Jim Morrison in wet ways.

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