ok ok bear wif me on this one,if u my dear queen,are the emotional punching bag,what does that make me? the punchin bag that the emotional punchin bag punches on.sounds like a tongue twister dunt it but trust me its not as amusing.im not ur court jester,being there whenever u beckon me just to boost your ego.dunt jerk me off bitch.



i resolve to stop caring for today.maybe longer.not for the war,not for u *starts pointing finger at everyone* .from now on only i and i alone matter.not that your opinion matters anyway.i've been treatin everyone way too nice.well now the horns are out and i dunt care if u hate me.makes me feel more powerful that way.kinda like how bush is feelin now. *puts on his "king of the world" crown and sits proudly at his throne*



shoot me again if i ever said i need company. everybody is here today and it feels so wrong sumhow.like ive been violated.intrusion of privacy.every passing thru the door makes me feel queasy.like everyones clothed and i dunt hav an inch of thread on me.judgin me.scrutinizing.feel like nailing the door shut.i want to be alone. i need to be alone



It's no longer going to be just talk your prophetic words were haunting to say the least.wud be selfish to think that it was for me but still.we talked till 4 in the morning.and once again i stood in awe and marvelled at her.she razzled-dazzled me with her view on the world and how she was goin to change it.she even got me talkin on stuff that i know lil abt.i felt like telling her that i was fallin for her all over again.but i know that wud have been a cardinal sin.in the end i had to reluctantly put down the phone even though i wanted it to last forever.cheesy, i know.oh well.


went to see good old doc chok today.he was as usual being eccentric.the topic always seem to go astray whenever we talk.never abt what i came there for.anyway i got what i wanted (although two days wud be better) and it was well below my budget.god bless good ole doc chok. in view of the ongoin war between iraq and u.s i sticked PRO-IRAQ using black tape on one of the pillars of my block.no sooner had i done that,two police cars came in.wasnt for me but it did felt good knowing that im doing sumthing,small as it may be, to support a worthy cause. *waves a defiant fist in the air*



took mc today just becos i didnt feel like going to work.whee!!! feels like school all over again!!!



saw an ex-crush of mine today.the setting didnt turn out to be so fairytale after all she looked more beautiful than i figured out she wud be.of cos the last time i saw her was abt 9-10 years ago.she was dressed in a white bare-backed dress.didnt even made small talk with her.there she was dancing all by herself and i didnt even approach her.kept stealing glances at her all night long.a mutual fren introduced us both and we just said hi.how stupid of me.did i mention how beatiful she looked? still remember the letter she sent me.it was hand-written and she even made those origami stars to beautify the letters.it was a time wen i thot that havin gerlfrens was a hassle.a time when i thought that girls have cooties.forgive me but but i was only 12 then.oh well oh well there she was enjoying herself and there i was sitting there left biting her dust.only my ego prevented me from talking to her.didnt feel rite to approach her after all that was said.makes me feel so superficial.appreciating her now only after shes grown.and how the the duckling hav grown.i bet she has suitors queueing up just to dance with her.after all this,dewi, i wish u all the best in life and maybe one day i will hav the courage to talk to u yeah???...



Done,done on to the next one done,done and on to the next one.... i never said i was a beggar for your love.all i ever wanted was your acceptance.i hold you so high up on a pedestal yet u laid me on cold concrete.funny how i wud go out of my way sumtimes just for you.but you never appreciated it.i keep ending up with mud on my face.i cud never cope with your cocktail of emotions.yeah,maybe one day i'll laugh at how foolish i was over you.but for now,im left licking the wounds u've caused. and you,while your words have been harsh,it served as a timely reminder for me.sorry to be a burden on you for the past few days.you have been a great confidant and i thank you for your listening ear.i truly regard you as a friend and i could not have made it without you. For every love letter written, There's another one burnt.



beginning to pick up my past bad habits again.destroying myself just like i use to.making everybody hate me for no apparent reason.nearly snapped at a colleague just becos of his nonsensical drivels.there he was making conversation and i felt like i had to shut him up somehow.walked away from him just to cool myself down.had to go to the roof top to clear my head.walked rite to the end and sat on the edge.legs dangling and all.and for a fleeting moment i thought abt it.pictured it.how sweet the few seconds wud be just before the impact.sweet sweet release.from life from everything.funny how im entertaining such suicidal thoughts just when i knew that sumbody out there likes me.i keep on pushing the self-destruct button when everything is goin on just dandy.took my last puff and went down cos i didnt like the way i was feeling at the rooftop.did not speak to anybody for the remainder of the day.and now im labelled the proud anti social melayu just becos of it.but so what fuck you,i dunt need u or ur kind.i dunt feel the need to bend over just to please u.my sanity is hanging by a thread rite now and the only thing holding it together is the alkohol and death sticks.makin me forget everything.brief escape from reality. uprooting the mind astonishing vision a gray film melts off the the eyes and run downs the cheeks Farewell.